Three Things You Should Never Do with a Loved One Who Has Dementia
1. Do Not Argue with Your Loved One
Example: Misplaced Items
Imagine your mom, who has Alzheimer’s, accuses you of stealing her purse. She’s misplaced it again, but insisting you took it. The worst thing you can do is argue back: “Mom, I didn’t steal it. You just lost it again. Remember last time when you thought I stole it, and we found it later?”
This response will likely lead to frustration and backlash. Here’s why:
- You’re disagreeing: This increases agitation and anger.
- You’re asking her to remember: Highlighting her memory lapses isn’t helpful and can be distressing.
2. Do Not Correct Your Loved One
Example: Misremembered Events
3. Do Not Try to Reason with Your Loved One
Example: Paranoia and Fear
Imagine your loved one is convinced someone is trying to break into their home to steal the remote control. Instead of saying, “Mom, no one is trying to steal your remote control. No one is after you,” you could say something like, “I talked to the neighbor, and they scared the person away. They won’t be back,” or “The police caught the person who was trying to steal your remote control. You’re safe now.”
By validating their feelings and providing a simple, reassuring response, you address their underlying emotions and can then distract them with something else. Remember, it’s about making sense in their world, not yours.
Recap
To sum up, the three crucial tips are:
- Do not argue with your loved one.
- Do not correct your loved one.
- Do not try to reason with your loved one.
Bonus Tip: Active and Therapeutic Listening
Want to watch the in-depth video that inspired this post?
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