The Dementia Careblazers Blog

Practical articles for the real-life challenges of dementia caregiving.

The Caregiver Secrets People Only Tell Me in Private

Some spouses still want a physical relationship with their loved one with dementia. Just as many want nothing to do with it. Both are normal, and so are five other things caregivers whisper to me.

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More recent articles

3 Things to Avoid With Dementia, and What to Do Instead

A caregiver's husband with dementia started yelling at her across the room, calling her a liar. She calmly said, "I know, honey. I'm sorry." Asked later how she stays so calm: "That's not him."

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The Caregiving Advice You Already Know (and Keep Putting Off)

She'd tried everything to get her husband to stop driving. Then, talking it through with me after one of my talks, she remembered the firefighter who wanted his truck. Isolation had kept that answer buried.

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Why Some Dementia Activities Don’t Work (And What Helps)

"Do you want to do a puzzle?" usually gets a no. A folded paper sign on the table, with a picture and the steps, lets someone with dementia start on their own terms.

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When Everyone Says Your Loved One With Dementia Seems Fine

"They think I'm exaggerating." When everyone says your loved one with dementia seems fine, that's usually the thought doing the hurting. I had it about my own siblings, until I chose a different one.

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3 Things in Dementia That Look Like Lying (But Aren’t)

"The neighbor brought me flowers yesterday." Except nobody came, and there are no flowers. When someone with dementia tells you something you know isn't true, it's easy to assume they're lying. Here's the difference between anosognosia, confabulation, and delusions, and why correcting them so rarely works.

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When Your Loved One With Dementia Keeps Asking: Put the Answer Where They Can Find It

If you care for someone with dementia, you probably answer some version of these questions over and over: “What are we doing today?” “Who’s coming over?” “When will you be back?” “What are we having for dinner?” “What time is my appointment?” You answer. A few minutes later, they ask again. So you remind them […]

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5 MORE Strange Dementia Behaviors and Why They Happen

The doctor asks how they're doing, and your loved one smiles and says, "Oh, I'm wonderful." Meanwhile, you're the one who sees everything else. Here are five more dementia behaviors that look strange from the outside, what the brain may be doing behind each one, and what actually helps.

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4 Phrases That Make Dementia Behaviors Worse (And What I Say Instead)

Four sentences slip out of almost every caregiver's mouth, and all four ask a brain to do something it can no longer do. Here's what's happening underneath each one, the words I'd say in their place, and why there is no single right answer for your loved one.

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6 NormalĀ  Habits That Can Make Dementia Behaviors Worse

Hey Mom, do you remember who this is? It sounds harmless. It is really a test your loved one is set up to fail. That is one of six habits I see loving Careblazers fall into every day, and here is what I would say in place of each one.

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5 Strange Dementia Behaviors That Actually Make Perfect Sense

Your loved one insists they already ate breakfast. They swear they spoke to a sister who died ten years ago. It is not lying, because lying requires knowing the truth. Here are five dementia behaviors that look like character flaws, and the specific thing happening in the brain behind each one.

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Why Your Loved One With Dementia Might Be Aware They’re Struggling (Even If They Don’t Know Why)

If your loved one with dementia has been pulling back from things they used to do, it's not always apathy. Sometimes they know they're struggling, and that awareness is what makes them stop. Here's how to tell the difference, and how to help them stay engaged without pushing them past what they can do.

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