Does your loved one repeat the same questions over and over again? Does your loved one repeat the same questions over and over again? Does your loved one repeat the same…
Okay. You get the point.
Repeating the same question over and over again is a pretty common symptom of dementia. And even though it isn’t technically causing any harm, it can make you feel like you want to scream and pull your hair out.
Why Your Loved One With Dementia Repeats the Same Questions
Memory is often impaired in dementia. Your loved one doesn’t remember having asked the question. And they certainly don’t remember whatever answer you gave them.
We can’t expect their memory to improve all of a sudden. So we need to find ways to respond to the questions that don’t end up driving ourselves crazy.
For more on what is happening in the brain, read why your loved one with dementia asks the same question over and over.
5 Ways to Cope With Repetitive Questions in Dementia
Here are the five that other caregivers have used with success to help reduce how often their loved one asks the same question.
1. Answer the Question (Yes, Again)
Start with the most obvious one. Simply answer the question.
But there’s a trick to this. Remember that it’s the disease causing them to ask the same question over and over again. They aren’t intentionally trying to drive you crazy.
Of course it’s completely natural to get frustrated and irritated by it. But as much as you can, just respond to their question and move on.
I watched Finding Dory recently, and you could take a cue from Nemo and friends in how they handled her constant questions and repetition. Hear the question. Answer it. Move on. And remember that it’s the disease, and they can’t help it.
2. Distract Them With an Activity
Find an activity that gets them interested in something else. That can take their focus off the question they’re constantly asking.
If you need simple ideas, I have a video on dementia-friendly activities you can do at home, using items that are probably already hanging around your house.
3. Point Them to a Visual Reminder
Consider posting some sort of visual reminder or cue in their home.
If your loved one is constantly asking what’s going on that day, or when their appointment is, you could point them to a calendar on the wall that lists all of that day’s activities or their upcoming appointments.
If your loved one keeps asking where the car keys are, but they’re not safe to drive, you could point them to a sign on the wall. It might say the car is in the shop, the car is broken, or they’re no longer safe to drive. Whatever you feel would be the best reason or reminder for your loved one, write that on the sign and put it on the wall.
After some time of redirecting them to that place on the wall, they might start to just go and look there on their own.
This is a really good strategy when the question is about something you could easily jot down on a calendar or a sign. If you’d like to take it further, I share a reassurance board and other ideas in how to handle repetitive questions in dementia.
4. Change Something in the Environment
Consider whether changing something in the environment could reduce the question, or get rid of it altogether.
For example, say you notice that every time your loved one passes a picture of a family member on the wall, they start asking over and over where that family member is. That could be a sign the picture is triggering the question. Consider moving the picture, or taking it down altogether.
This is true for more than just pictures. Pay attention to when your loved one asks the question. A lot of times there’s a trigger around them. If you find it, moving it or getting rid of it could take care of the question altogether.
5. Respond to the Feeling Behind the Question
Try to identify the underlying feeling behind their question.
If they’re constantly asking about a loved one who has passed away, the feeling underneath might be sadness, loneliness, or feeling scared. Identifying that and acknowledging it can help.
If they’re constantly asking where their car keys are and they’re no longer safe to drive, let them know you understand it’s really important to them to get where they want to go. And that you’re going to do whatever you can to get them there, whether that’s the community center, the hair salon, the grocery store, or wherever it is they want to go.
In some cases, there isn’t an easy explanation or an easy solution to the feeling they’re having. Then simply hearing them out, letting them know it’s tough and that this is a difficult time in their life, and just sitting there with them can help.
Pay less attention to the actual words, and more attention to the feeling.
When the same question keeps coming and you feel like you want to scream, it helps to have people who get it. Inside the Care Collective, we work through moments like these every week: what’s behind the behavior, what to say when it happens, and how to look after yourself while you’re doing it. You can learn more here.
