5 MORE Strange Dementia Behaviors and Why They Happen

It’s 2:00 in the afternoon and your loved one with dementia seems calm.

Everything seems normal.

Then 5:30 hits.

All of a sudden, they seem agitated, restless, suspicious, or confused. Maybe they’re checking the doors. Maybe they keep asking, “What’s going on?” or “What’s about to happen?”

And you’re left thinking:

What changed? They were just fine a couple of hours ago.

Sometimes, the answer is that nothing major happened.

The time on the clock changed.

That’s one of five dementia behaviors I want to walk you through here. A while back I wrote about five other strange dementia behaviors, and so many of you told me, “My loved one does exactly this.” So here are five more.

Each one can seem strange or completely irrational from the outside. But when you understand a little more about what the brain may be doing, the behavior often starts to make much more sense.

Here they are: sundowning, shadowing, hiding and hoarding, time shifting, and showtiming.

Stay with me for number five. It’s the one that can make you, the caregiver, look like you’re exaggerating.

1. Sundowning: Why Dementia Symptoms Can Get Worse Later in the Day

Sundowning is when a person with dementia seems to become more confused, restless, anxious, irritable, or agitated later in the afternoon or evening.

For some families, this happens so predictably that they can almost set their clock by it.

Your loved one may do fairly well earlier in the day, and then as the evening approaches, things begin to change.

They may:

• Pace
• Seem more anxious
• Become more irritable
• Ask repeated questions
• Check doors or windows
• Have a harder time settling down

There isn’t one simple reason sundowning happens.

Several things may be working together.

The person’s internal body clock may be changing. They may be more tired as the day wears on. The lighting in the house may change as the sun goes down, which can create shadows and more confusion.

And simply being awake all day takes a lot of work for a brain affected by dementia.

Think about your loved one’s ability to handle information and confusion like the battery on your phone.

In the morning, the battery is fully charged.

As the day goes on, that charge starts to drop.

Now add dinner being prepared, the television playing, people moving around, darker lighting, and maybe you’re tired too.

The exact same amount of stimulation your loved one could handle at 10:00 in the morning may feel completely different at 6:00 at night.

What can you do about sundowning?

One of the most useful shifts is to stop looking only at what happened when your loved one became upset.

Instead, look at what happens before the behavior starts.

Ask yourself:

• What time does this usually happen?
• Are they tired?
• Are they hungry?
• Is the house getting darker?
• Is there more noise?
• Is the TV on?
• Is there something else happening around that time?

I once worked with a Careblazer whose sister became restless almost every evening around 6:00.

Instead of waiting until 6:00 when her sister was already agitated, she started doing something calming around 5:30 or 5:45.

Sometimes they folded towels together. Sometimes they listened to music. The activity wasn’t complicated.

The goal was simply to have her sister already pleasantly engaged before the usual difficult time arrived.

It didn’t completely erase the sundowning.

But it stopped treating the behavior like a surprise.

If you can find the pattern, you can often get ahead of the behavior.

That’s an important principle in dementia care.

2. Shadowing: Why Someone With Dementia Follows You Everywhere

You walk into the kitchen.

They follow you.

You walk into the bedroom.

They follow you.

You go into the bathroom, and they’re waiting outside the door.

This is often called shadowing.

It can be incredibly exhausting for the caregiver because it can feel like you have absolutely no privacy or time to yourself.

But shadowing makes more sense when you think about what you may represent to your loved one.

You may be:

• Their familiar person
• Their sense of safety
• The person who knows what is happening
• The person who knows where things are
• The person helping them make sense of a world that feels increasingly unfamiliar

Dementia can also make it difficult for someone to hold onto reassurance.

You might say:

“I’m just going into the other room. I’ll be right back.”

But a few minutes later, that information may already be gone.

Now they’re wondering where you are.

So they go looking for you.

Think about your phone when it suddenly loses Wi-Fi or cell service.

It starts searching for a signal.

For your loved one, you may be functioning like that signal.

If you are there, they may feel more secure.

What can help with shadowing?

Instead of only asking:

“How do I get them to stop following me?”

Try asking:

What might help them feel more secure when I’m not directly in front of them?

The answer will be different for different people.

Some Careblazers have used recordings of their own voice.

Others have played a familiar family video on the television.

Sometimes a familiar activity or another reassuring presence can help.

The goal isn’t necessarily to make the person stop following you completely.

The goal is to think about what may help them feel more secure when you’re not right there.

I go deeper on this one in why your loved one with dementia follows you everywhere.

3. Why Do People With Dementia Hide or Hoard Things?

Maybe you find 47 dirty napkins stuffed into a drawer.

Maybe jewelry is hidden inside a shoe.

Maybe food, plastic bags, containers, toilet paper, or forks are being collected.

Maybe something important disappears because your loved one put it somewhere “safe” and now nobody can find it.

Hiding, collecting, and hoarding can look very strange from the outside.

And there isn’t one single reason it happens.

Sometimes a person puts something somewhere for safekeeping and then forgets where they put it.

That can even lead to accusations that someone stole the item.

Other times, collecting things may give the person a sense of safety or control.

It can be almost like a security blanket.

Except maybe their security blanket is napkins or takeout containers.

I once worked with a woman in a memory care community who was collecting so many things that her room was becoming a problem.

Eventually, we learned that she had grown up during the Great Depression, when food and supplies were scarce and you didn’t throw things away.

That history mattered.

But here’s something I want you to know about this behavior and dementia behaviors in general:

You do not always need to know the exact reason someone is doing something in order to make the situation better.

Ask what problem actually needs to be solved

Instead of immediately trying to stop the behavior, ask:

• Is this hurting anything?
• Is this creating a safety problem?
• What seems important to them about these objects?
• Could they have a safe place where they are allowed to keep them?
• If they keep losing something important, could you keep duplicates?

If someone is collecting napkins and it isn’t hurting anyone, the solution may not be figuring out how to stop them from collecting napkins.

Maybe that drawer simply becomes the napkin drawer.

Instead of asking:

“How do I stop this strange behavior?”

Try asking:

“What problem actually needs to be solved here?”

That shift is a big part of what I wrote about in my new book, The Dementia Care Toolkit. It comes out October 26, and you can preorder it now.

Sometimes there really is a problem that needs attention.

Other times, there may not be.

That distinction can save you a lot of energy.

4. Time Shifting: Why Your Loved One Keeps Saying “I Want to Go Home”

Your loved one says:

“I have to go to work.”

But they’ve been retired for 20 years.

Or:

“I need to go home. My mom is waiting for me.”

But their mother died decades ago.

Or:

“I have to go pick up the kids.”

But their children are grown adults.

This is often called time shifting.

It’s when the person’s internal sense of where they are in their life no longer matches the calendar you are living in.

Older memories may be much easier for them to access than newer information.

From your perspective, it’s 2026 and your loved one is 81.

From their perspective, they may feel like they are 23.

That’s why correcting them often doesn’t work very well.

You may say:

“Your mom died years ago.”

Or:

“You’re 81. You haven’t worked there in decades.”

But if their brain is placing them in a different time, that information may not match what feels true to them.

Look for the need underneath the words

Instead of focusing only on correcting the timeline, ask what might be underneath what they’re saying.

If they say:

“I need to go home.”

Maybe they don’t feel settled or secure where they are.

If they say:

“I need my mom.”

Maybe they’re looking for comfort or safety.

If they say:

“I have to go to work.”

Maybe they feel like they have a responsibility, role, or obligation they need to fulfill.

You do not always need to pull someone back into the current calendar to help them feel better.

Sometimes you can respond to the need underneath what they’re saying.

5. Why Someone With Dementia Can Seem Fine at the Doctor

This one can be incredibly frustrating.

You spend days thinking about everything that has been happening at home.

The repeated questions.

The confusion.

The agitation.

The difficult behaviors.

You finally get to the doctor and think:

Good. Someone else is finally going to see what I’m seeing.

Then the doctor walks into the room and asks:

“How are you doing?”

And your loved one smiles and says:

“Oh, I’m wonderful.”

They seem polite.

Calm.

Cooperative.

They make small talk.

And you’re sitting there thinking:

Who is this person? This is not what I see at home.

This one is so infuriating. When I was caring for my mom and dad, it was the part that frustrated me most. The doctor, or the family member who doesn’t believe it’s really that bad, walks away saying, “They seem like they’re doing pretty well.”

And all you want to say is:

Come live at my house for 24 hours and see how it really is.

This is sometimes called showtiming.

For a short interaction, the person may be able to slip into very familiar social behaviors.

They know how to say hello.

They know how to smile.

They know how to give familiar answers like:

“Oh, everything is fine.”

They may be able to keep this up during a short 15- or 20-minute visit.

Meanwhile, you’re the person who sees everything else.

You see the confusion.

The irritability.

The repeated questions.

The trouble they’re having with everyday tasks.

And someone who only spends a short amount of time with them may not see any of it.

What can you do before the doctor’s appointment?

Don’t rely on the appointment itself to tell the whole story.

Write down specific examples beforehand.

Keep them short, factual, and clear.

For example:

• Asked the same question 18 times in one hour
• Got lost walking back from the mailbox
• Accused spouse of stealing purse three times this week
• Tried to leave the house at 2:00 AM to “go to work”

If possible, give that information privately to the healthcare provider.

Some healthcare systems allow you to send information ahead of time through an electronic health record or patient portal.

The important point is this:

Don’t base the entire picture of how someone is functioning on how they appear during a short appointment.

What These 5 Dementia Behaviors Have in Common

Sundowning, shadowing, hiding and hoarding, time shifting, and showtiming can look completely different from one another.

But there is one idea that connects all five.

The behavior often makes more sense when you stop looking only at what the person is doing and start thinking about what their brain may be trying to do.

With sundowning, their brain may be struggling to handle confusion and stimulation later in the day.

With shadowing, your presence may be helping them feel safe and oriented.

With hiding and hoarding, the behavior may be connected to memory, security, control, or older life experiences.

With time shifting, their internal sense of time may no longer match the current calendar.

With showtiming, familiar social habits may help them appear more capable during a short interaction than they are in everyday life.

Understanding why a behavior may be happening does not automatically make it easy.

But it can change the question you ask.

Instead of:

“How do I make them stop doing this?”

You can start asking:

“What might be happening here, and what would actually help?”