Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, all you can see is what’s going wrong? That no matter how hard you try, you’re still overwhelmed, still exhausted, and still stuck noticing every single thing that feels like a failure?
You’re not alone.
In fact, what you’re experiencing might just be your brain doing exactly what it’s wired to do.
I’m Dr. Natali Edmonds, a board-certified geropsychologist and founder of Dementia Careblazers, and today I want to introduce you to a little-known brain system that has a massive impact on your caregiving journey. It’s not woo-woo. It’s not fluff. It’s neuroscience. And understanding how it works could be the shift you’ve been needing.
So let’s talk about your Reticular Activating System – what it is, how it works, and how you can actually retrain it to support you in dementia caregiving instead of working against you.
What Is the Reticular Activating System (RAS)?
The Reticular Activating System, or RAS for short, is a bundle of nerves located at the base of your brain, near your brainstem. Think of it as your brain’s filter system. Every second of the day, your brain is being bombarded with millions of bits of information: what you see, what you hear, what you remember, what you’re thinking. It’s a lot.
The RAS steps in to sort through all of that. It filters the noise and decides what information should be brought to your conscious awareness and what can stay in the background. Without this system, you’d literally shut down from sensory overload.
But here’s where it gets interesting: the RAS doesn’t choose what’s important on its own. You tell it what matters based on your thoughts, beliefs, and focus.
Let that sink in. Your brain’s filter system is taking its cues from you.
If you’re constantly thinking “This is too hard,” or “Nothing ever works,” or “I can’t handle this,” your RAS will say, “Got it! That’s what we’re looking for!” And then it starts pointing out every single moment that proves those thoughts true.
Suddenly, all you see are the setbacks. The stressful behaviors. The failures. Your brain is literally showing you more of what you’re already focused on.
Why This Matters for Dementia Caregivers
If you’re caring for someone with dementia, chances are your plate is already overflowing. You’re navigating challenging behaviors, memory loss, communication issues, and your own exhaustion. And when your brain is on autopilot, filtering everything through a negative lens, it can feel nearly impossible to catch a break.
That’s where the RAS becomes a game-changer.
Because just like it can filter in the hard stuff, it can also filter in the good. If you start intentionally shifting your focus, even just a little your RAS starts shifting too.
When you begin thinking things like, “That moment went better than usual,” or “They smiled at me today,” or “Maybe there is a solution I haven’t found yet,” your brain says, “Okay! Let’s find more of that.” And guess what? You start noticing more calm moments. More connections. More possibilities.
It’s not magic. It’s biology.
A Real-Life Example You’ve Probably Experienced
Let me give you an example that almost everyone has gone through. Have you ever thought about buying a new car, maybe a white truck, and suddenly you start seeing white trucks everywhere?
It’s not that everyone suddenly bought a white truck. It’s that your brain, specifically your RAS, got the message: this is important. And it started letting that information through your filter. The white trucks were always there…you just weren’t tuned into them before.
That same principle applies in caregiving. When you start intentionally telling your brain what matters to you, even in small ways, it starts shifting what it lets in. And that shift can change everything.
How to Start Retraining Your Brain Today
The first step is awareness.
Start paying attention to the thoughts you’re having most of the time. Be honest with yourself. If your mind is constantly saying things like “I can’t do this,” “This is never going to work,” or “My loved one is being difficult on purpose,” it makes sense that you’re feeling defeated.
The good news? You don’t have to overhaul your entire mindset overnight. In fact, I wouldn’t recommend it. You’re not trying to trick yourself or pretend everything is fine. You’re simply expanding your perspective.
Here’s how you can get started:
1. Catch a Thought in Action
Notice when one of those “automatic” thoughts pops up. Something like “This is impossible.” Instead of just believing it, pause and ask yourself: Is there another way to look at this?
You’re not denying your reality. You’re adding to it.
2. Choose a New Thought You Can Believe
Don’t jump straight to “Everything is wonderful” if you don’t believe it. That’s not helpful. Instead, try something more neutral and true, like:
“Maybe there’s a solution I haven’t found yet.”
“I handled that moment better than I used to.”
“There could be something I’m missing that would help.”
Your new thought doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be possible.
3. Give Your RAS a Job
This part is key. Set an intention. For example:
“Today, I’m going to notice one thing I did well.”
“I’m going to look for one moment of peace with my loved one.”
“I want to find one sign that I’m growing.”
By doing this, you’re giving your Reticular Activating System a clear directive. You’re saying, “This matters to me. Help me see it.” And your brain starts scanning for those moments.
4. Write It Down
If you really want to supercharge this, take a minute at the end of the day to write down one or two things that went a little better. This helps reinforce the shift and teaches your brain to start expecting success instead of failure.
Over time, your brain begins to assume there will be something good to notice. And that becomes your new default.
This Isn’t About “Positive Vibes Only”
Let’s be very clear: this isn’t about pretending everything is great. You’re still allowed to feel frustrated, sad, or overwhelmed. Those feelings are valid. But you’re also allowed to look for moments of hope, joy, or calm—even if they’re small.
This is about reclaiming your mental space. It’s about balancing the hard with the helpful
Because your brain is always filtering. The question is: Are you letting it filter by default—or are you guiding it on purpose?
Why Most People Struggle With Change (and What to Do About It)
Our brains are wired for safety. They want us to stay in our comfort zone, even if that zone is filled with stress or struggle. That’s why building new habits, starting a workout routine, or thinking differently can feel so hard.
It’s not because you’re lazy or broken. It’s because your brain thinks same = safe.
Understanding how your Reticular Activating System works gives you a way to gently challenge that pattern. Instead of fighting your brain, you’re working with it. You’re offering it new signals, new cues, and new reasons to show you something different.
And over time, that makes change feel less like a battle and more like a shift.
Real Results from Real Careblazers
I’ve seen this work again and again with the caregivers inside my Careblazers community. People who were overwhelmed, burnt out, and convinced they had no options started using these tools.
They didn’t suddenly become carefree or problem-free. But they did start to feel more grounded. More hopeful. More equipped. They noticed their own progress. They felt more connected to their loved ones. They even rebuilt relationships that felt broken.
And it all started with understanding how their brain works.
Final Thoughts: Your Brain Can Be Your Biggest Ally
You’re not powerless in this caregiving journey. And you’re definitely not alone.
What’s happening in your brain isn’t the enemy. It’s just been trained to focus on what’s hard, what’s dangerous, and what’s familiar. That’s normal. That’s human.
But now that you know how the Reticular Activating System works, you can start giving your brain a new assignment.
You can train it to look for what’s working. To notice progress. To support your growth. To help you feel a little more calm, a little more confident, and a lot more in control.
And if you’d like more videos, blogs, or lessons on how your brain works and how to use it to your advantage as a caregiver, let me know. I’m always listening.
In the meantime, remember: small shifts lead to big changes. One thought at a time.
Want to watch the in-depth video that inspired this post?
Click the video below to watch. ↓