Do you notice your loved one with dementia getting anxious before appointments or visits? You’re not alone. In fact, over 75% of people with dementia experience anxiety, and it can appear in many ways—whether it’s restlessness, confusion, worry, or even fear. If this sounds familiar, this blog is for you. I’m going to dive into how anxiety shows up in dementia, especially around appointments, and share some simple strategies to help make things easier for both you and your loved one.
This post was inspired by a Care Collective member who asked a fantastic question during a live Q&A session. Her loved one with dementia would get anxious whenever they saw an appointment on the calendar. They’d even get fully dressed and ready to go days before the actual appointment, leading to a lot of confusion and stress. So, how do you handle situations like this without increasing their anxiety? Let’s break it down.
Understanding Dementia and Anxiety
First, let’s talk about anxiety in dementia. It can show up in many forms—sometimes it’s restlessness, where your loved one can’t seem to relax, or it can manifest as worry, fear, or general confusion. It’s important to recognize these signs because anxiety can lead to other challenges, especially when it’s related to upcoming events.
One of the most common triggers for anxiety in people with dementia is when they know an appointment or visit is coming up. They might get confused about the date or time, leading to unnecessary stress. For instance, they might see an upcoming doctor’s appointment on the calendar and think it’s happening right now, getting dressed and ready to leave days in advance. You can imagine how exhausting it is for both them and you to manage this situation repeatedly.
So, what’s the best way to handle this?
The Issue of Advanced Notice
As caregivers, we naturally want to keep our loved ones in the loop, right? We often give them a heads-up about appointments or visitors to help them feel prepared. But here’s the catch—sometimes giving advanced notice can actually increase their anxiety.
I want you to take a moment and think about this. Does your loved one do well when they know something is coming up? Or does it make them anxious? If you notice that your loved one gets stressed out or confused by upcoming events, you might want to reconsider giving them advanced notice.
A New Approach to Appointments
So, what should you do instead? If you have an appointment in a couple of days, rather than telling them ahead of time, try waiting until the morning of the appointment. In your mind, you know the appointment is coming, and you can plan accordingly. But for your loved one, it’s just another regular day—until you gently introduce the idea that morning.
You could say something like, “Hey, we have a last-minute appointment today” or “Aunt Becky is stopping by later.” You’ll want to frame it as a surprise or something casual, rather than a planned event they’ve been anxiously anticipating. This approach can significantly reduce their anxiety and make the process smoother for everyone involved.
Maintaining Routine Without Anxiety Triggers
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But my loved one loves looking at the calendar every day! It’s part of their routine!” And that’s totally valid. In fact, routine is incredibly important for people with dementia, so we don’t want to disrupt that.
Instead of removing the calendar altogether, we can tweak it so that it doesn’t trigger anxiety. You can still keep the calendar, but instead of appointments, fill it with other positive things. Maybe write down their favorite meal for the day, add a little compliment or a fun note, or even mark when their favorite TV show is on. This way, they can still enjoy the routine of checking the calendar without being reminded of upcoming appointments or visits that might cause stress.
Trial and Error: Finding What Works for Your Loved One
One of the things I always emphasize is that no two people with dementia are the same. What works for one person might not work for another. The key is paying close attention to how your loved one responds to different approaches. If you find that giving advanced notice causes them stress, try a different approach. Maybe telling them last minute works better, or perhaps you find another way to keep them calm and grounded.
Think of it like adjusting an eye prescription—there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. You need to find the right “prescription” for your loved one’s unique needs.
What If They Get Confused Without Advanced Notice?
You might be wondering, “What if my loved one gets confused when I don’t tell them in advance?” That’s a valid concern. Some people with dementia thrive on routine and knowing what’s coming up. If that’s the case, you’ll want to be gentle and flexible with how you handle it.
For example, if they start to get anxious on the day of the appointment, try to reassure them without overwhelming them with too much information. Something like, “It’s just a quick appointment, and we’ll be back in no time,” can help keep things light and manageable.
Real-Life Example: A Careblazer’s Experience
Let me share a real-life example from one of our Careblazers. Her loved one was very attached to the calendar—checking it every day was a regular part of their routine. But when she saw an appointment coming up, the anxiety would kick in, leading to confusion and stress. So, we talked about how to keep the calendar without making it a source of anxiety.
The solution? They started writing fun notes and compliments on the calendar. Instead of marking appointments, they would write things like, “You look beautiful today” or “We’re having your favorite dinner tonight.” This way, the calendar stayed a positive part of her loved one’s routine, and the anxiety around appointments disappeared.
Pay Attention to Their Response
Remember, the best way to know if an approach is working is to pay attention to how your loved one responds. If you’re telling them about appointments in advance and they’re getting anxious, that’s your cue to try something different. And if that new approach works, great! If not, it’s just feedback that you need to adjust again.
It’s all about finding what works for your loved one—and trust me, it’s worth the effort.
Conclusion: You’ve Got This!
Careblazer, I know caregiving can be tough, especially when you’re dealing with anxiety in your loved one. But you’re not alone, and there are always new approaches to try. If your loved one gets anxious about appointments or visitors, think about how you can ease that stress. Maybe hold off on giving them advanced notice, or keep their routine intact by filling their calendar with positive notes instead of reminders about appointments.
And as always, pay close attention to how your loved one responds—that’s the best feedback you can get. Remember, every person with dementia is different, and your caregiving journey is unique. You’re doing an amazing job, and I’m sending you so much love and support.
Want to watch the in-depth video that inspired this post?
Click the video below to watch. ↓
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