“Unfortunately, it will always hurt.”
These are the words a Careblazer typed under one of my YouTube videos and they are 100% true.
When we stop to think about what we’re doing, it’s totally normal and understandable about why caregiving hurts.
…we are caring for someone with a disease with no available cure.
…no matter how wonderful our caregiving is, they will continue to get worse.
…the dreams and goals we had for the future are now on hold or gone forever.
Of course, it hurts.
I think it’s supposed to.
And rather than put all of our attention and energy on trying to get rid of the hurt, maybe we’d be better off putting our time and attention on handling the hurt.
Rather than putting so much effort into trying to feel good in a situation that doesn’t feel good, maybe we could learn to feel the hurt in a way that doesn’t make things worse.
And in doing so, we’d actually feel better! That’s the ironic part.
These are my thoughts this week as I continue to spend time working on my upcoming book.
What are your thoughts on this?
This week’s question comes from Eve, who asks:
Q: My mother’s dementia has now progressed to the point where it is hard to have meaningful conversations with her. If I ask her a question, she answers she “doesn’t know”. So now I don’t ask her anything. What do you suggest to keep us connected but without a lot of words when I visit her?
A: The good news is that your mom doesn’t have to change at all for you to keep feeling connected to your mom. Watch this week’s private video for a surprising answer you’ve probably never heard before.
A: Sundowning is when a person with dementia becomes more confused, restless, or irritable later in the day. It’s not so much about the sun, but more about the brain running out of energy — just like how most of us feel more tired or fuzzy in the evening.
In this week’s private video, I share why sundowning happens, what you can do to reduce it, and a surprising perspective to help you feel less frustrated in the process.
After I mentioned the Reticular Activating System in a recent Dementia Dose, hundreds of you replied asking for more. So this week’s video is for you.
I’m diving deeper into how this one brain system could be quietly making caregiving feel even harder … and how you can retrain it to start working for you instead of against you.
This isn’t about pretending everything is okay. It’s about understanding how your brain is wired, so you can start to feel more calm, in control, and supported in your day-to-day caregiving life.
💌 Resource SpotlightOne of our amazing Care Collective members shared how shocked she was at all the decisions she needed to make after her mom died. She called it the “business of death” and ended up putting together a document of all the questions and information she was asked after her mom died. She hopes that by having these questions ahead of time, you can be better prepared to navigate all the steps that come after our loved ones die. |
🧰 Careblazer Favorites: Safety for the Stove
One of our Careblazers wrote it to say: “While I was asleep, MWA turned on gas stove!” She went on to share that “These locks are effective, she can’t figure them out but the rest of us can still easily use the stove.”
HERE is a link to the knob locks that she used in case you find yourself in the same situation.
Also, if you want to share a product that has made caregiving easier for you or safer for your loved one, let us know HERE.
Sending love,
Board-certified Geropsychologist
Founder, Dementia Careblazers
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