Ever feel like no matter how clearly you explain something, your loved one with dementia just doesn’t seem to “get it”? You repeat yourself. You try again. You explain slower, maybe louder. But it only leads to more stress and frustration — for you and for them.
You’re not alone. And you’re not doing anything wrong.
Hi, I’m Dr. Natali Edmonds, a board-certified geropsychologist and the founder of Dementia Careblazers. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the loop of trying to explain or reason with someone who has dementia, today’s post is for you.
Let’s uncover the #1 communication mistake caregivers make — and the powerful strategy that can transform the way you connect with your loved one.
Why “Logic” Backfires with Dementia
Here’s the hard truth: trying to reason with someone who has dementia is like talking on two different radio channels. You’re on Channel A, speaking clearly, calmly, and logically. But your loved one? They’re on Channel B — and no matter how loud or slow you talk, they’re not hearing what you’re saying.
And here’s why that happens.
Dementia physically changes the brain. It affects memory, understanding, and reasoning. So when we say things like:
“You already ate.”
“This is your home, you’re safe.”
“The doctor said you can’t drive anymore…”
…it makes perfect sense to us. That’s how we’ve been taught to communicate all our lives. When someone forgets, we remind them. When someone is confused, we explain.
But dementia doesn’t play by those rules.
Your Brain’s Default Setting (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Caregivers often beat themselves up, wondering, “Why isn’t this working?” But this isn’t about intelligence or effort. It’s about habit. Logic and reason have worked for every other person in your life. It’s your brain’s default communication style and that’s totally normal.
The mistake isn’t intentional. It’s automatic.
And recognizing that is actually a huge step forward. Because once you see the pattern, you can start to change it.
Think “Connection,” Not “Correction”
Here’s the magic phrase I want you to remember:
Give connection, not correction
Rather than trying to correct your loved one with the facts, connect with them through their reality — even if it doesn’t match yours.
Let me tell you a powerful story from one of my presentations that perfectly illustrates this.
Real-Life Example: From “No Strangers” to “When Are They Coming?”
A woman in the audience came up to me after my talk and shared what happened with one of her clients. The client’s mother had dementia and desperately needed in-home help. But — surprise, surprise — the mother didn’t think she needed help. She didn’t want a “stranger” coming into the house.
Sound familiar?
Rather than explain how her mom needed help bathing or doing chores, the caregiver stopped and asked:
“What does my mom love talking about?”
Turns out, her mom was deeply religious. She loved talking about God, faith, and the Bible. So instead of pushing logic, the caregiver tried something new.
She told her mom:
“Hey Mom, someone’s coming over who really wants to learn more about God. Would you be willing to talk with them?”
Her mom lit up. Not only did she agree — she couldn’t wait! She kept asking, “When is that person coming?” Suddenly, the very idea she’d resisted — a stranger in her home — became something she looked forward to.
The helper wasn’t seen as an outsider anymore. She became a welcomed guest.
Let’s Break Down Why That Worked
This wasn’t manipulation. It was tuning in to what would register for her mom. It was getting on her channel.
The caregiver didn’t:
Explain how much help was needed
List reasons for safety or cleanliness
Lecture her mom about reality
Instead, she entered her mom’s world. And in that world, helping someone spiritually was meaningful. That’s what created the emotional bridge.
What This Means For You
Okay, Careblazer, here’s where it gets real. You don’t need to become a totally different person overnight. But the next time you catch yourself explaining, correcting, or reasoning…
Pause.
Take a breath.
And ask: What “channel” is my loved one on right now?
It might be their childhood memories. Their old job. A beloved pet. A favorite song. Their faith.
Use that as the gateway.
Because in dementia caregiving, the goal isn’t to be “right” — it’s to be received.
But Isn’t That Dishonest?
This question comes up all the time.
And the answer is: It’s not about lying — it’s about responding with compassion to a brain that’s changed.
You’re not trying to deceive. You’re trying to connect. And sometimes that means letting go of the need to correct.
Remember: logic might feel true to you, but it won’t land for someone whose brain can’t process it.
Why Early-Stage Dementia Makes This Even Trickier
One of the sneakiest parts of early-stage dementia is that your loved one still looks like the same person. They might even have moments of clarity that trick you into thinking they understand more than they do.
That makes it even more tempting to fall back into logic.
But their brain has changed. And it’s not always visible on the outside.
If you’ve ever felt confused or guilty because your efforts didn’t work, please know:
You’re not doing anything wrong.
You’re just doing what you were taught.
And now you know there’s a better way.
Try This Instead: Tune Into Their Channel
So what’s your next move?
Start listening for their favorite topics.
Observe what lights them up.
Practice offering connection over correction.
You don’t have to get it perfect. But each time you try, you build a bridge to their world — and reduce the resistance and stress in yours.
Want Help Applying This in Real Life?
If this concept resonates with you but you’re thinking, “I have no idea how to do this in my situation,” — I’ve got you.
Our Care Collective program is currently open for a limited time. Inside, we dive deep into strategies like this, and even better — you get feedback from me, other dementia experts, and fellow Careblazers walking the same path.
🎯 Click this link to learn more and join us — before the doors close.
Final Words of Encouragement
You’ve got this, Careblazer.
You’re already doing something incredible just by reading this far and caring this deeply.
Now imagine what could happen if you stopped fighting to be understood — and instead focused on being felt.
Connection over correction.
Emotion over logic.
Love over being right.
That’s the kind of caregiving that transforms relationships — and restores peace.
🧠 Key Takeaways:
Logic and reason don’t work with dementia — stop trying to use them.
The brain of someone with dementia can’t process logical explanations the way it used to.
Shift your communication from “explaining” to “connecting.”
Get on their channel by tapping into what matters most to them.
Try creative approaches that validate their reality and bring joy.
You’re not doing it wrong — you just need a new strategy.
💬 Have You Tried This Approach?
Drop a comment below or email us your story. We love hearing how you’re applying these tools in real life — and your experience might inspire another Careblazer who really needs it today.
Want to watch the in-depth video that inspired this post?
Click the video below to watch. ↓
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